I was told once that it's not our lot in life to be happy, but to live through what life hands us and be thankful for what we have. I think that's a crock of shit, personally. Life is what we make of it for ourselves, and anyone who accepts anything less than the best has given up on themselves. Their soul is already dead - it's just going to take some time for their bodies to figure it out, and die along with them.
You can be truly happy in life, if you choose to.
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One of my deepest disappointments with my lovely being so far away is that I cannot play and experiment on new and sexy ways to tie her up and restrain her. That definitely will be something welcomed pleasantly when we finally begin sharing a life together, in the same place.
Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.
To be honest, I’ve really led a vanilla life for the majority of my years. The most adventurous thing I ever did when I was younger was fucking my high-school girlfriend in the middle of the junior high school field out behind her house, in broad daylight - but that was simply because I was so horny, I probably would have agreed to fuck her on the hood of the police chief’s car if she’d agreed to show me her pussy.
As far as kink is concerned, I’m not including things like blowjobs, anal, risque sex or things like infidelity, as whereas they might be considered naughty, they’re certainly not kinky - unless you’re getting a blow-job while driving a city bus through downtown during rush-hour.
I’ve had many fantasies and desires that I wanted to explore - scenes of domination and possession, heavy control and the like. I’ve been a fantasy role-player since I was a young teenager and I’ve spent countless hours exploring my imagination that way, and when I got older I began delving into the world of online adult role-playing. It could be argued that I’ve already experienced many things in that arena, but I would say personally that even if you’re fantasizing about something with someone who has actually been in that scene, there is no true way that you can reproduce the sensations gained by actually being there and immersed in it.
Thinking hard upon it, I would have to say that the first really kinky thing I did involved my lovely, and our first meeting ever. We had a week of vacation where she came up to visit me, and about halfway through the vacation we drove out to the ocean and along the highway to where we’d rented a hotel for the remaining three days of her stay.
Along the way, we stopped by a sex shop, and I had her pick out a bullet vibrator. Later, as we got onto the road, I had her load it with batteries, and then I took it up and started to play. By the time we got to the hotel, I’d undone her jeans and that toy was tucked nice and deep inside her pussy. The controller I tucked into the waistband of her jeans, so that for the rest of that night, wherever we went - to the lobby counter, to the restaurant to have dinner, walking along the beach - I could reach over and tweak the control, and set the little monster to writhing around inside her.
The next day, on a drive around the bay to a neighboring town, she wore a skirt. On the way back to our hotel later that afternoon, I had her laid out with her head on my thigh, her left foot up on the dashboard and her right foot on the handle of the passenger door while I teased and played and toyed with her completely soaked and naked pussy. We weren’t confronted with any situations where people would have been able to look easily down and see her splayed open for everyone to enjoy, but it certainly could have happened - and she was so fully concentrating on the pleasure of that toy plunging into and out of her wet cunt, I really doubt she would have noticed.
When we finally got back to the hotel, I was so maddeningly horny that I simply pinned her to the bed and flipped her skirt up, taking her hard and deep from behind. It was intense, hot and passionate as our bodies hammered together in lust-filled need until she finally reached the edge and I erupted inside of her. When we finally came down from our high, we stumbled into the bathroom and poured ourselves into the tub for a deliciously long and hot bath with her curled safely into my arms.
Kinky? Maybe not to the standards of everyone, but it certainly was for me.
Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
To be completely honest, I really don’t think there were any telltale signs in my earlier years that hinted toward what I would become after turning 40 and having my revelation. My relationships, few that they were, consisted of completely vanilla behavior - and boring vanilla behavior, at that. Even oral sex didn’t occur much for me, which was odd in and of itself considering how much I love licking a sweet cunt. Of course, my high school girlfriend was completely squicked out by the thought of me going down on her, and my wife - well, to be honest, she simply didn’t taste good.
Thoughts of actually restraining someone, spanking, whipping, causing pain - none of these things really even entered my mind. My sexual experiences as a whole were extremely limited, and I was too much of an introvert after high school to really step out and discover that there were alternatives to the standard mold of societal existence.
In retrospect, I think it might have actually been for the best, because in my younger years I was simply too immature and insecure to comprehend and understand such relationships. Now that I’m older, wiser, more experienced - I can lay out all of the paths of life before me and make an educated choice of which one I find most appealing, knowing full well what the repercussions of my decisions might be.
Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?
Despite the fact that I’ve known for some time about the reality of my desires being a bit different than that of everyone else, I really have to say it came to a pinnacle about three years ago when I found an online adult roleplaying forum named Elliquiy. I’d spent months prior to this playing around in the Yahoo chatrooms looking for experiences that would help inspire my (at the time) sagging libido, and whereas my success was limited, it certainly did pique my interest for more adventurous types of scenes. Unfortunately, the Yahoo chatrooms left much to be desired in the way of consistency, and you never could tell from day to day what kind of experience you were going to have.
Eventually it became too much of a hassle, and I sought out a different venue. A Google search led me to Elliquiy, and that’s basically where my search ended. The forum I’d found was a very close-knit private community of open-minded adults, many of whom were already involved in the BDSM society, and many others who were virtual newbies and neophytes such as myself. I immediately formed a number of close relationships, some of which I still cherish to this day. What was even more pivotal for my personal life experience was the fact that I found something that rekindled my own personal passion immersed in the BDSM community. Concepts and ideas that were shared there seemed to speak directly to my soul, igniting not only my desire for more, but also my prematurely deceased libido. My wife at the time, who had been hounding me for years to see a doctor concerning what she felt was ED, was suitably pleased when I began showing her increased attention in the bedroom. Little did she suspect at the time that my invigorated sex drive had nothing at all to do with her.
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I’d considered spilling a long dissertation on exactly how my marriage dissolved, and the problems that existed throughout it - but i’ll sum it up by saying that as a young adult, I was woefully lacking in self-esteem. It wasn’t until I was nearly 40 years old that I finally discovered my own self worth, and began to rebuild my confidence. This certainly had a pivotal role in causing my divorce, and has also brought me to the place where I am now - a confident, assertive man who knows exactly what he wants from life, and will accept no substitutions whatsoever.
My budding Dominance has helped me to (almost) understand women as well, and accept the fact that at their core, they yearn for and desire a confident and assertive man so that when they have returned from their days of hard work and effort, they can exist in a place of security and safety knowing that their Dominant man is there to assure they are protected and cherished. They can surrender their own power requirements, and be the sensual, sexual creatures they inwardly yearn to be.
I cherish my own Dominant nature, though it is not something that I flaunt or parade around on a banner proclaiming my greatness. It is a simple thing, really - and it is meant for my lovely, in perfect harmony with her submissive nature at my side. I personally feel that if a person needs to label themselves as “Dominant”, perhaps they’ve missed part of the point of being Dominant in the first place.
I’m kinky. It’s not just something I do for fun - it’s who I am. I’m proud of who I am, and I won’t change it for anyone, or anything.
Waking with my lovely held securely in my arms, the scent of her hair in my nostrils, hearing her slow breaths as she nestles against me and the warm, baby-soft perfection of her smooth, bare cunt under my hand…
These are a few of my favorite things.
Day 2: List your kinks.
Let’s see… What is it that really turns me on?
Having control. Exerting that control. Sexy little panties. Thick, luxurious dark hair running through my fingertips. Showers with my lovely. Hickies in her cleavage. Dressing her up exactly as I want her. Undressing her afterward, stripping each piece off nice and slow until she’s standing before me, trembling with excitement and anticipation. Waking up and slipping my hand between her thighs, pushing my finger gently into her wet little cunt. Hearing her gasp in shock as my teeth close tight around her nipples. Hearing her whisper into my ear that she really, really really deserves a spanking because she’s been having naughty thoughts all day long. Watching her crawl on her hands and knees until she’s stretched over my thighs, waiting for that spanking. Listening to her whimper and beg for me to cum inside her, and hearing the gasp of pleasure from her throat when I do.
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
This first question is a good one, and might truly be the hardest one of the bunch. BDSM - Bondage & Discipline, Domination and submission, Sadism and Masochism - There are a whole lot of big words being thrown around there, and each one carries with it a whole lot of meaning and misunderstanding. The “alternative lifestyle” culture, for lack of a better term, is something that for the longest time has been looked at by mainstream (so to speak) individuals as being something that was shameful, despicable, scandalous and lewd. Things have changed for the better in that respect over the last ten to twenty years, but I think for the most part, society doesn’t want to label BDSM as acceptable any more than they want to accept same-sex marriage. Things will continue to change, however - and hopefully it will continue to change for the better.
Well, I went off on a bit of a tangent there, it seems. Back to the subject at hand! Looking at my own sexual history, it would be more accurate to say that I’ve undergone a polar shift in my own sexual mannerisms. In my younger years, I was dreadfully self-conscious, and I basically felt that the only way I could achieve a gratifying relationship with a woman was if I made myself subservient to her. This wasn’t a conscious choice, but more something I did unconsciously in an attempt to keep the attention of certain women. The problem was, my actions attracted only those women who responded to submissive men - and I didn’t gain any gratification whatsoever at being the submissive party in a relationship. Mind you, this was all very subdued and barely noticeable, even by me - I wasn’t ‘actively’ engaging in a D/s relationship, but more accurately I was living in a submissive manner throughout my life to women who dominated my desire to help them, make them happy, and keep them entertained.
It wasn’t until near the end of my long marriage to a woman who was mentally dominant in every way that I realized how much I hated and despised the position that I had been put in. What was worse was the reality of the situation - that everything was completely and utterly my fault, because I allowed myself to be put into that position. She dominated me because I allowed her to, and the resentment that grew from it eventually poisoned our relationship enough that I made the choice to leave.
Through this experience, I was able to formulate my core rule of life and relationships - you cannot change people. I spent years trying to bring happiness and contentment to my wife, while she continued to suck at my energies like an emotional vampire, unable to be sated no matter how hard I tried. Women who are constantly enmeshed in drama and need to be ‘saved’ are as poisonous to themselves as they are to the men that they lure in, because in their never-ending torrents of drama after drama, they eventually use up all of the giving that can be given by their so-called savior men. They savor the feeling of attention they receive when the day’s drama brings their rescuer in with guns blazing, but once their white knight has slain the dragon of their issues, they simply create another for him to slay until finally, in a fit of angst, the knight turns his blade on the princess and lops her pretty fucking head off.
You can’t change people. Have a chick who’s causing you endless drama at every turn? Stop trying to fix her fucked up life, and go fix your own.
Through my own revelations, I came to accept the fact that I enjoy, and am fulfilled by the application of my own assertiveness. I don’t consider myself egotistical, and I try to be humble in all things - but when I know I’m right, it’s a simple fact. Another revelation I discovered once my new-found self-confidence began to blossom was that women respond to strength and assertiveness like bees to honey. Once I made the decision to live my life the way I wanted to live it, and never apologize for my actions, it was amazing how quickly the attitudes of women around me changed. Call it what you will - the Alpha Male effect on females, what have you… Living my life with no apologies and no regrets almost instantly brought a change about me in the way females interacted.
That having been said - I suppose it would be most accurate to describe myself as a Dominant male. Asserting my will when interacting with my lovely, feeling the rush of power as she willingly concedes her control to me - they all speak to the deeper core of who I am as a spiritual being, rather than just who I am as a person. I don’t consider myself a sadist, and I don’t gain any pleasure in causing undue pain and agony to my lovely. There is a balance of pain in the sharing of pleasure that enhances the experience, taking it beyond the vanilla and to a new level that is generally beyond the comprehension of those who haven’t experienced it. The difference between pure sadism and that of Dominance in the sense that I refer to is that pure sadists cause pain for the pleasure of themselves, and Dominants cause pain for the pleasure of their submissive. The limit to a sadist’s pleasure is internal, and has nothing at all to do with the sub’s pleasure, whereas a caring Dom knows how and when to apply just enough pain to bring his sub to the peak of her ecstasy.
Discipline is a tool that I enjoy using to regulate and moderate the level of my lovely’s pleasure. In her public life she is a successful, assertive achiever that knows exactly what she wants in life, and she works hard to succeed in those goals - yet there is a part of her, the part that presses herself into my hand as I slide my fingers along her cheek - that part yearns and aches for the ability to be not in control, if only for a little while. Assigning her random tasks and goals, establishing behavioral criteria for her to follow gives her that tiny respite from her self-regulated world and allows her for those moments to simply be, and be desired and coveted, with nothing more complicated than that. I have no desire to control and regulate her every movement, like some dutiful parent watching over her so that she will not falter - she is an intelligent, beautiful grown woman, and she has no need of a parent to monitor her every step. My drive to control and guide reaches only so far, yet it has balanced in an amazingly perfect harmony with what my lovely needs in her own life.
Bondage is another wonderful tool that can be used to enhance discipline, and my lovely has spent many an afternoon enveloped by coils of my ropes or restrained by cuffs and straps. It is another method of freeing the psyche, I think - for when she’s tied and bound, subject to my every whim, all of those concerns and fears that she carries with her in regards to her everyday life - they all disappear under the wake of her own inability to do anything beyond what I command.
In essence, I believe that the introduction of D/s to the relationship I have with my lovely has allowed many deeper things - but what is most utterly important is that it has allowed me the freedom to be a Man - powerful and assertive and trustworthy, and it has allowed her the freedom to be a Woman - beautiful and sexual and desired.
Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
Day 2: List your kinks.
Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?
Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.
Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?
Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.
Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
Day 10: What are your hard limits?
Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?
Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
Day 20: Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?
Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.
Not much that can compare to your lover showing you just how much she desires you
So, I finally went and decided to do it.
Getting a vasectomy is something that I’ve been considering for some time, ever since the thought of me splitting with my ex became more and more a reality. So, last month I called the doctor and made an appointment.
Call it my year anniversary gift to myself, after moving out of my house.
I’ve got quite a few friends who have had the procedure done, and all of them reported that it was nearly painless and quick, and didn’t affect their sex lives one bit afterward. These statements were all well and good, but it really doesn’t matter how many people you’ve got in support of you - whenever you’re commissioning a doctor to go near your genitals with surgical equipment, it’s going to give a man pause.
Nonetheless, I had some other things to consider - I’m 42 now, and I have three adult children. My girlfriend is half my age, beautiful and sexy, and doesn’t want any kids right now - which I’m more than happy to support emphatically. My child-rearing days are over, and if I really get the morbid desire to deal with toddlers I can always go and pick up my grandkids for an afternoon.
Yeah. I’m a grandpa, too. *headdesk*
Either way, after discussing it with my girlfriend, and getting her take on it - she personally is all in favor of not having to take the pill any more, and she says that in the future if she does decide she wants children, she would much rather adopt than try and push one out of her very petite body - I decided to go ahead and get the procedure done.
Once the day arrived, I got up and rolled down to the clinic for my 8am appointment. The doctor in our area that does the procedures also works at the urgent care clinic, so I got to sit with all of the sickies waiting to get their antibiotics in the early days of February while I waited for my procedure. I had opted to go ahead and have the consultation and the procedure all done at the same time, so I didn’t have to waste a trip going down to talk with the doctor and simply reiterate that I knew what I wanted done.
The doctor was pretty cool about the whole thing, getting there and starting up some banter about where I was in my life and what I wanted of the future. He was very informative and helpful about what the procedure would entail, and once we finished ten or fifteen minutes of discussion on the subject, he got to work.
As for the actual procedure, it took less than a half hour. The most uncomfortable part of the whole thing was the local anesthetic shot, which was less painful than a tetanus booster. While he was going about the procedure we bullshitted about snowboarding and skiing, and when he was done he sent me on my way with a wad of gauze tucked up against my sac, and wished me well.
Afterward, I stopped by Wal-Mart and picked up an athletic supporter for myself, as he said the best way to eliminate post-surgical pain was to keep the testicles tucked up tight against the body. I wore the jock for the next three days, with the bundle of gauze pressed firm against my sac, and by the time Friday rolled around I was ready to go skiing - which I did, and skied heavily over Friday and all Saturday.
My health insurance is pretty good, but I really didn’t know how much, if anything, they would cover. I wasn’t really worried about the cost, because over years I’m sure it will be more than compensated in the price of condoms and birth control pills. As it turned out, all I had to pay was the $20 copay and the procedure was completely covered by my insurance. Bonus.
During the weekend, it was time for me to answer the next looming question - how well the equipment was working after the worm-factory had been taken offline. The doctor said I should wait about a week, but that’s not something I really do good waiting for - so I dug into my selection of online porn and grabbed my junk. Aside from being a bit tender with the hole in the front of my sac, I didn’t have any problems whatsoever - and everything functioned just as it’s always performed.
In a way, I think I might be more consistently horny now than I was before. Now, I need to polish off twenty nuts before I can take a sample back to the doctor’s and verify that I’m sperm-free. Once that’s done, then my girlfriend and I can get back to fucking like rabbits without the concern that we’re going to roll that 1/1000 chance that her pill will fail. Thank Science for effective birth prevention!